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Paducah said..
Marks of the competent jiber: finds a gust and bears off. Front arm extended and knees bent keeping weight forward over the front straps. Flips sail without looking at hands. Finishes off bearing away on the other direction until speed is up and back in the straps and harness.
At the risk of stating the obvious but maybe it'll help someone with the same issue as me: I had a really hard time getting my front arm extended without a strong sheeting in with the back hand. Then I could extend my front arm. I had some mental block with it (occasionally still), and plenty of room for improvement. I don't know why I wasn't sheeting in harder.
At least my foiling jibes are where I can do several without mishap and keeping speed in, during, and out to fly out of them (after touching down). And that's mostly with a 9.0 or a 7.0.
My feel for fin jibes is still not quite there though. There's a lot more chop and thus more noisy on inputs/feel and a lot more power in the sail. They did improve greatly with stepping my back foot further forward and concentrating on trying to keep my knees bent and upper body forward, but I'm not "feeling" the trim of the board that will keep it planing through the turn like I can on a foil. I think also I've been limited to situations where an 8.0 is barely enough, or a 9.5 is needed on a fin and it's hard to get enough speed to carry it through the turn. Much easier in 6.x wind, but it's not quite the season yet.
Light wind sessions (with either small or big sail, not enough to get planing), and doing the jibes a lot slower but with deliberate movements made a huge difference. Sheeting in hard to get the mast base pressure to push the nose through and enable extending the front arm, getting clew first feel, getting timing with wind direction and associated sail feel, moving old front towards the mast at the start of the flip, etc. all can be done non-planing to perfect little details.