WARNING: This is a bit of a heavy topic, so please stop reading if you think this may affect you negativelly.



Just wanted to say to my fellow seabreezers, look after your family, friends.... collegues... neighbours... etc. Check up on them regularly, and make sure they are doing ok. If you know someone who doesn't seem very happy, talk to them... as you never know what people are going through. And most of the time people hide it. People hardly open up unfortunatelly. So awareness about this problem is crucial.

My next door neighbour just committed a suicide in his garage on the weekend... he was in his 30ies... left wife and 3yo behind.

If anyone here lost someone due to similar circumstances, my thoughts are with you.

Found some useful tips here: www.helpguide.org

Lost two friends over the xmas/nye break to suicide, devistating for all involved.

Its often the ones that you dont expect

Good topic. I always try and make someone smile, you just never know what a difference can make..

I also have talked to my kids about the issue. I had a mate at 17 who hung himself and it was life changing for me. At the time Dead Poets society had just been released and when i saw it, i can say I've never cried so load in public before and since..

It was a hard time for me growing up after that and having to deal with the guilt. Strangely enough i just this weekend gone, sat down and watched the movie with my 13 year old, and we talked about it at length. As i told her, you just don't know how people are and you can never over invest in your friends emotions

My heart goes out to anyone left to grieve after such an event. I've been one also, and I've almost been the one in years gone by. People (and kidz especially) need a reason to live; a reason to work through the despair which is so many people's lot. Secular humanism might be trendy, but it simply doesn't answer life's deeper questions. It certainly doesn't offer a reason to live.

I have a mate who committed himself to the psychiatric ward over Christmas - suicidal thoughts.

Went there to visit couple of times. Most depressing... was just like Cuckoo's Nest movie inside.
The top nurse even looked like Miss Fletcher.

Anyways, offered my 24-7 number and all the talking one could endure from me, otherwise what else ??

Cowards way out

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Haydn24 said..

Cowards way out

Easy for you to say.....

I had a mate of mine depart that way, he was found by his teenage son in a tragic situation.
Unless you have walked a mile in their shoes don't judge.

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Gizmo said...

Haydn24 said..

Cowards way out

Easy for you to say.....

I had a mate of mine depart that way, he was found by his teenage son in a tragic situation.
Unless you have walked a mile in their shoes don't judge.

Well said

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Haydn24 said..

Cowards way out

Clueless.

what are you saying darth. the ones who play around with the dark side, mess with the occult, the moody
who follow the fantasy, who display dark signs, the paranormal. a bad avatar maybe, does that give some warning thing?

My wife's two brothers both did it. Many years apart. One as an eighteen year old 22 years ago and the other as a 35 year old a couple of years ago in Adelaide

Totally devastating for her and her family. She will never truly get over it as the scars last for generations.

If someone's not right compared to how they normally are please give them an "are you ok mate?" . It could make a big difference.

My stand up paddling has helped me.. probably saved my life.

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Haydn24 said..

Cowards way out

Close... Selfish way out.

One of my best mate's long term g/f hung herself from the stairs of their townhouse and was there for him to find in the morning.
It destroyed the following 5 years of his life, and has forever impacted the rest of his life.

After the grief what remains to this day for the rest of us is anger that she would do that to him, their families, and all their friends. It is a terribly selfish thing to do. You're gone, at peace, and someone has to clean the body up and deal with the emotional aftermath. You don't care anymore, but your actions are burned onto the brains of others for their whole lives.

Its interesting in life how people think they have the right to comment or even think they know better....

How many times have you heard people with no children comment on how to parent?
How many times have you heard people with no weight problem comment of how to lose weight?
How many times have you heard people with absolutely know idea on a subject make sweeping statements.

And its interesting how many 20 year olds know it ALL (while they still live at home and get their bills paid) I have a stepson that knew it all until he moved out and started being totally responsible financially for his life.

Suicide is a very personal problem (and a very selfish act) and people without that mind set would never understand, yes it has MAJOR ramifications to the family but so do road accidents, drink driving, smoking, Divorces, Bankruptcy and many other 'choice' decisions.

As I said walk a mile in their shoes......

i think this is very complicated subject... it's very easy to analysie from a 3rd angle, and judge etc... but i think it's very hard to understand what exactly is someone going through, and what compells someone to take such drastic actions. When things like this happen, it's too late to change past.. you can blame the victim, you can blame your self for not doing more etc etc... but the best thing you can do is learn from it and try to help someone else when you see another chance... - what seafever said:

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seafever17 said..
If someone's not right compared to how they normally are please give them an "are you ok mate?" . It could make a big difference.

thing is, we get busy with our lives. How often do we stop to think about those around us... to truly take interest in them...

Surely if someone is that desperate and depressed that they would kill themself,,,then you could hardly call them selfish??!! It's very easy to judge but if you're not living in their skin then how can you know how they are feeling?
These people need love and compassion to help them through....not the other way round

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kiteboy dave said..

Haydn24 said..

Cowards way out

Close... Selfish way out.

One of my best mate's long term g/f hung herself from the stairs of their townhouse and was there for him to find in the morning.
It destroyed the following 5 years of his life, and has forever impacted the rest of his life.

After the grief what remains to this day for the rest of us is anger that she would do that to him, their families, and all their friends. It is a terribly selfish thing to do. You're gone, at peace, and someone has to clean the body up and deal with the emotional aftermath. You don't care anymore, but your actions are burned onto the brains of others for their whole lives.

A common misconception, and understandable. But the person is escaping themself, and that's the exact opposite of selfish.

As for being a coward you try doing it. Facing death, right here and right now, is no less scary when you're suicidal. Why would it be?


"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.' - David Foster Wallace.

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dinsdale said..

My heart goes out to anyone left to grieve after such an event. I've been one also, and I've almost been the one in years gone by. People (and kidz especially) need a reason to live; a reason to work through the despair which is so many people's lot. Secular humanism might be trendy, but it simply doesn't answer life's deeper questions. It certainly doesn't offer a reason to live.

... a reason to live!

Hey Superlizard,

Thanks for starting the thread and a particular thanks for posting the link! I already knew some of the information in the link but it still taught me stuff I didn't know.

I have a friend who is at risk of suicide and when I spoke with her last night it helped.

reposting link below...
www.helpguide.org

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Skid said..

Hey Superlizard,

Thanks for starting the thread and a particular thanks for posting the link! I already knew some of the information in the link but it still taught me stuff I didn't know.

I have a friend who is at risk of suicide and when I spoke with her last night it helped.

reposting link below...
www.helpguide.org

you made my day Skid with your post. I've been beating my self about how I wish I'd have picked up on some signals from my neighbour, but he always seemed just normal/regular guy to me... But this (plus another suicide of a friend's relative few weeks ago) prompted me to become more aware of this issue, and to try spread the word...

I think lonleyness is one of the big factors... taking interest in people and giving them time can do wanders...

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gibberjoe said..


what are you saying darth. the ones who play around with the dark side, mess with the occult, the moody
who follow the fantasy, who display dark signs, the paranormal. a bad avatar maybe, does that give some warning thing?

Not at all. Im saying that it can be people that you would never think that they would take their own life.

Unfortunately, Christmas is the most popular time for suicides and although asking "how are you mate?" or "do you want to have a chat about it?" can save a life - for many, the decision has been made.

A person I knew well committed suicide last year and one thing that sticks in my head is her calm (and uncharacteristic) joyful demeanour the last time I spoke with her only days before. She would normally be frantically busy and constantly 'stressed', which is fairly common in the line of work she was in. She had made her decision, and already planned it in secrecy. Her calm was from knowing that she had found a way out and knew that she would soon be free from the burden that we weren't aware that she carried with her.

Sadly, I doubt that anyone of us could've stopped her from committing suicide without having known what she had planned - or having the psychological skills and knowledge to 'talk-down' a suicidal person. If she had been able to see through those delusional thoughts that ended her life and realised the support and friendship that we all had for her (especially from her family and close friends), then I'm sure that she would still be here.

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Sailhack said..

Unfortunately, Christmas is the most popular time for suicides and although asking "how are you mate?" or "do you want to have a chat about it?" can save a life - for many, the decision has been made.

A person I knew well committed suicide last year and one thing that sticks in my head is her calm (and uncharacteristic) joyful demeanour the last time I spoke with her only days before. She would normally be frantically busy and constantly 'stressed', which is fairly common in the line of work she was in. She had made her decision, and already planned it in secrecy. Her calm was from knowing that she had found a way out and knew that she would soon be free from the burden that we weren't aware that she carried with her.

Sadly, I doubt that anyone of us could've stopped her from committing suicide without having known what she had planned - or having the psychological skills and knowledge to 'talk-down' a suicidal person. If she had been able to see through those delusional thoughts that ended her life and realised the support and friendship that we all had for her (especially from her family and close friends), then I'm sure that she would still be here.

As a 17 year old boy my mate rang me up and chatted for a bit, then right at the end of the conversation he said "I love you buddy" I was taken back and asked him had be been drinking. He laughed it of and said nah, just thought he wanted me to know.."You know, like a brother". Turns out he did the same to another good friend. That night he hung himself.. It was the only sign..

People often giggle when they see me as a grown man, tell my mates occasionally, that i love them. Its not gay, its just letting a mate understand how important they are in my life. A best mate just spent 18 months "Off line" Hardest thing you can ever do is to see them have to pick them selves up and start again, but its no comparison to having to be another Pall Bearer..

Thanks for the thread..It is nice to reminisce

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jbshack said..

Sailhack said..

Unfortunately, Christmas is the most popular time for suicides and although asking "how are you mate?" or "do you want to have a chat about it?" can save a life - for many, the decision has been made.

A person I knew well committed suicide last year and one thing that sticks in my head is her calm (and uncharacteristic) joyful demeanour the last time I spoke with her only days before. She would normally be frantically busy and constantly 'stressed', which is fairly common in the line of work she was in. She had made her decision, and already planned it in secrecy. Her calm was from knowing that she had found a way out and knew that she would soon be free from the burden that we weren't aware that she carried with her.

Sadly, I doubt that anyone of us could've stopped her from committing suicide without having known what she had planned - or having the psychological skills and knowledge to 'talk-down' a suicidal person. If she had been able to see through those delusional thoughts that ended her life and realised the support and friendship that we all had for her (especially from her family and close friends), then I'm sure that she would still be here.

As a 17 year old boy my mate rang me up and chatted for a bit, then right at the end of the conversation he said "I love you buddy" I was taken back and asked him had be been drinking. He laughed it of and said nah, just thought he wanted me to know.."You know, like a brother". Turns out he did the same to another good friend. That night he hung himself.. It was the only sign..

People often giggle when they see me as a grown man, tell my mates occasionally, that i love them. Its not gay, its just letting a mate understand how important they are in my life. A best mate just spent 18 months "Off line" Hardest thing you can ever do is to see them have to pick them selves up and start again, but its no comparison to having to be another Pall Bearer..

Thanks for the thread..It is nice to reminisce

Amen to that JB.

I've always found it strange that suicide is kind of swept under the rug.

As far as I understand it is one of the largest non-accidental forms of death to young people in Australia, and I think rather surprising that men are several times more likely to do it than women.

I like the idea of raising awareness to it and bringing it to attention. I don't think the issue is raised enough and I'm not sure why. It is not often heard about, and most people (myself included) know very little about it. Maybe it needs to be brought up in schools from a young(er) age. I wouldn't know what to say to a suicidal person, or how to really help someone out and I think that should be taught.

Perhaps it is kept 'quiet' to not give people ideas etc. But I think it would be far more constructive to acknowledge it as a serious issue.

We can't hear enough about how dangerous driving a car is, or smoking etc. Why should this be different, and I think bringing it to the front and centre would have a positive effect.

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Dawn Patrol said..

I've always found it strange that suicide is kind of swept under the rug.

As far as I understand it is one of the largest non-accidental forms of death to young people in Australia, and I think rather surprising that men are several times more likely to do it than women.

I like the idea of raising awareness to it and bringing it to attention. I don't think the issue is raised enough and I'm not sure why. It is not often heard about, and most people (myself included) know very little about it. Maybe it needs to be brought up in schools from a young(er) age. I wouldn't know what to say to a suicidal person, or how to really help someone out and I think that should be taught.

Perhaps it is kept 'quiet' to not give people ideas etc. But I think it would be far more constructive to acknowledge it as a serious issue.

We can't hear enough about how dangerous driving a car is, or smoking etc. Why should this be different, and I think bringing it to the front and centre would have a positive effect.

I also believe its the underlying issues, that built up to suicide, that are kept under wraps. As i said having had a mate of over 25 years only just come out with his health issues to a point were we talk at length about it. I can see its hard for them. People are all too quick to judge IMHO and its not until you see it or live it that you get a understanding of just how REAL it can be..

Suicide is such a self-indulgent thing.

If you've reached a point in your life where the option to end it all seems to be the way to go, think about it, you're at your lowest, things can only get better from there.

It's certainly a permanent solution to what is often only a temporary problem. Unfortunately when people are that low that they are considering ending it all they don't see things this way.

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kiterboy said..

Suicide is such a self-indulgent thing.

If you've reached a point in your life where the option to end it all seems to be the way to go, think about it, you're at your lowest, things can only get better from there.

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hargs said..

It's certainly a permanent solution to what is often only a temporary problem. Unfortunately when people are that low that they are considering ending it all they don't see things this way.

How wrong are you both..

Soon after my friend committed suicide I did quite a lot of reading on the matter and it often DOESN'T occur at their lowest point.
My friend was in a serious car accident and recovered well, his marriage was not as good as prior to the accident for many factors (not just the accident) we often talked for hours about anything and everything no holds barred.
After 2 years of being in a VERY low ebb he seemed to be looking up and infact the phone call I had with him (less than 24 hrs from his death) he sounded amazing, relaxed and the best I had heard him sound for over 2 years. Apparently he had made calls to lots of friends that week and all said that he sounded on the improve, Then imagine my shock when she rang me to tell me the news.

Apparently it is quite normal that people have resolved in their own minds what their choice is and what they are going to do often months in advance, and the last phone call I had with him that night he was relaxed, aware and friendly (he didn't mention to anyone what his intended actions would be).

So please don't try and think like or judge others.... you can't.

Worth watching..

embed.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share

So please don't try and think like or judge others.... you can't.

Mate I've been there. Not judging anyone at all. It's a subject that should be discussed though. And when you hit rock bottom (for me anyway) it is not a nice place to be in.