Sorry, couldn't resist..
When I googled "Collingwood jokes" I got 473,000 results!!
A Collingwood supporter dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Collingwood jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in a St Kilda scarf. Hello, mate,'says St Peter, I am sorry, no Collingwood fans in heaven. What? exclaims the man, astonished. You heard. No Collingwood fans. But, but, but, Ive been a good man, replies the Collingwood supporter. Oh, really?'says St Peter. What have you done then? Well, says the guy, three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in Africa, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless. Hmmm. Anything else? Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans. Okay, say St Peter, you wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor. Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eyes and says, ive had a word with God and he agrees with me. Heres your sixty bucks back, now P..S OFF!
You know you're a Collingwood Supporter when...
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth that your wife does.
2. You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the dinner table.. in front of her kids.
3. You''ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.?
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rests rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: Hey, watch this.?
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan one ruined your wifes hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: Carn the Pies.?
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
15. You think the loaded dishwasher means you wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use for protection during sex?
A. Bus Shelter
Q. What do you call a thirty year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood fan in a tracksuit?
A. The bride
Q. Two Collingwood fans are in a car without any music playing. Who is driving?
A. The policeman
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
Q. Whats the difference between a male Collingwood supporter and a female Collingwood supporter?
A. A female Collingwood supporter has a higher sperm count.
Three footy supporters were walking back from the MCG when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of Jolimont Road. They stopped and discovered a nude female unconscious and near death so one of them phoned the police and the also requested an ambulance.
Out of respect and propriety, the Eagles fan took off his cap and placed it over one of the females breasts.
The Dockers fan took of his cap and placed it over the other breast.
Following their lead, but with great reluctance, the Collingwood fan took off his cap and place it over her girly part.
The police arrived and an officer began to conduct the investigation. He lifted up the Eagles cap, replaced it and made an entry into his notebook. Next, he lift up the Dockers cap and replaced , making more notes in his book. Then the office lifted the Collingwood cap, replaced it, lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time and replaced it one last time shaking his head in disbelief.
The Collingwood fan was extremely annoyed and challenged him, What are you, a pervert or something mate? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?
Well, said the officer, Im a little surprised and confused. Normally, when you look under a Collingwood cap you''ll find and a..hole.
Captain_Morg
> 9 months ago, 4 May 2011
