Caption contests have proved we have some wonderful comic geniuses on this forum, and I'd like your help!

This week is book week and at my daughter's school the students have to dress up as a character from a book.

Last year my daughter dressed up as Moses, complete with beard and tablets of ten commandments such as
1. "Thou shalt not teach maths before lunch"
and 2. "Thou shalt not teach maths after lunch" etc.
She read out the commandments to the assembly, won first prize, and in keeping with the commandments they taught no maths that day, and ever since she has been known as Moses - even by the headmaster!

This year she has decided to go as Jesus (She got a promotion) and she is going to preach the (reworked) beautitudes. This is where I would like your help. I know our group efforts will be better than mine alone.

So here are the beatitudes, and I have put some of my ideas in italics to give you an idea of what we are after. School theme, suitable for primary age kids.

1. Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

2. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted
Blessed are those who mourn because they failed their maths test, for after-school tutoring is available in the library.

3. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth

4. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they will be filled.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst because they forgot their lunch, for they will find comfort at the canteen

5. Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy
Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy and may hand their homework in tomorrow.

6. Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God
Blessed are the good at art for they will win scholarships

7. Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called sons of God
Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called prefects

8. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness even though they have no friends and have to eat lunch on their own.

Perhaps we could make up some windsurfing ones too... just for fun...

Blessed are the sailmakers...

Go for it! ... and thanks for your help...

Blessed are the geek for they shall inherit the MIRTH!!!!!
Blessed are the poor in spirits for theirs is the kingdom of Sobriety?

Blessed are the meek, as they will not get detention.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will become sport referees.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they have just done maths.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will let thy copy.

blessed are the cheesemakers?

Why the 'Greeks'?

yes, yes I know the Monty Python version ...

Blessed are the meek! Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I'm glad they're getting something, 'cause they have a hell of a time.

Blessed are the lice takers, for they will be called pickers of nits.

Blessed are the poor in spirit because they don't have to go to sport.

Blessed are those who get a detention for ducking out on sports day because corporeal punishment was banned in 1970... eeehew.

Blessed are the geeks for they will inherit good marks.

Blessed are everyone except meteorologists.

Blessed are they of poor inspiration because learning is 99% perspiration

Blessed are the poor in stirrups for theirs is the kingkong of devon.

Blessed be the pure in fart as they will see God but only at a distance

Do unto others before they do unto you!!

Blessed are the athiests, for it be not their fault......
......it be the way God made them.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!..........
......(with the possible exception of Sodom and Gomorrah!)

"An apple a day won't keep Adam away!"

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Windxtasy said...

School theme, suitable for primary age kids.

Damn. In that case I've got sweet fv@k all

Oh why not..... (not many words changed below.....)

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I said...



1. Blessed are the gay in spirit, for theirs is kitesurfing

2. Blessed are those who race One Design (incl. RS-X!) - for they will be comforted by the deeds of wavesailors

3. Blessed are the wavesailors, for they will inherit the earth

4. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after 30kn seabreezes and DTL head hi conditions, for they will be filled if they move to WA. ( f&^k yeah)

5. Blessed are the X-ply users for they will be shown mercy at Gnaraloo

6. Blessed are the wavesailors for they will see God ( sometimes prematurely )


7. Blessed are the roost-throwers for they will be called sons of God


8. Blessed are those who are persecuted by kitesurfers who don't know the right of way rules, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. And we all know heaven is Marks ... for those who know where it is