I have a concern.

I feel that as an Aussie male it is my national duty to bring it to the attention of all my Australian brethren, so that they may take precautions to safe guard themselves against this constantly growing threat.

In recent years there has been a notable increase in shark attacks on beaches Australia wide, which has been met by mixed feelings and responses. It seems as though the majority of people feel that if somebody is unfortunate enough to fall victim to one of these magnificent creatures that it is just a terrible case of bad luck that should not result in any recourse for the offending animal. The other contingency to this story believe that we need to begin "culling" in an attempt to reduce shark numbers, thereby resulting in fewer attacks. The culling advocates feel that too many Aussies are losing their lives to these beasts and that more should be done to protect ourselves from them.While I myself understand the concerns raised by both parties in this debate, i feel there is a far more imminent threat deserving of our attention, that roams our beautiful beaches praying on every day Aussies in more than one way.

Brazilians

Brazilian numbers are constantly on the increase across all Australian beaches. Generally unemployed, these little pack hunting predators can be found daily spending many hours in lineups from the Sunshine Coast all the way down past the Superbank, through NSW to Victoria, utilising their superior hassling/snaking skills to take wave after wave from Australian surfers at their home breaks. I have seen many local surfers leave the water after an early completely frustrated at the fact that the swarming Brazo's had kept them scoreless during their pre work ritual. I have found myself confronted many times by the unsettling scenario of 5 or 6 of the visa overstayers paddling rings around me and blocking my every move to get to the peak of a nice set wave so that one of their 11 flatmates can enjoy the wave I'd waited more than 30 minutes for. During lulls in the waves, they communicate vocally in a dialect that can be be described as a Plastic Bertrand's "Ca plane pour moi" record being played backwards..... Unnerving to say the least....

Terrifying as their surfing exploits may be, they pale in comparison to the way these creatures have adapted their skills to life on Australian soil.

As previously mentioned, Brazilians can generally be found dwelling in 2 bedroom rental flats that they share with 11, 12, sometimes 35 of their fellow countrymen without ever appearing to be gainfully employed (they're always surfing during the day) bypassing all Australian rental laws and subletting laws without ever being held to account. During the evenings they manage to be at all the best party's wooing the most beautiful of Australia's native women. Driven by the tribal like Djembe drumming of their housemates and using inhumanly possible dance moves performed wearing minimal clothing that displays the incredible physiques obtained during the countless hours of co-ordinated surf attacks carried out in the daytime, Australian women are completely defenceless against the supposed charms exuded during the festive onslaught and more often than not find themselves in a bunk bed somewhere in Bondi by 10:00pm. Early enough to be rudely shown the door post coitus so that the offending male can return to the party to ensnare a second evening victim. Not only do these men devour any and all Australian ladies at these events, but the Brazilian women will most certainly not stray from their countrymen. This results in any Aussie men that have lucked their way into such a gathering finding themselves huddled together in a corner of the backyard talking about footy, cricket, the surf and how many waves they got that morning (which we all know is **** talk cos' the Brazo's got 'em all) completely ostracised by all other party goers, leaving them to their wobbly walk home alone bar the company of a dodgey kebab.

As concerned as I am, I generally have no idea how to combat the monumental obstacle presented to my brothers by this rapidly spreading crisis. I ask all of you to think upon this... Only together will we come up with a solution that will hopefully see us rise to a level playing field, if not conquer this scourge of our ocean and land playgrounds, thereby reclaiming what our forefathers such as Mctavish, Farrelly, Nat Young, Occy, TC and the countless others that pioneered the way for all Aussie larrikin surfers and pantsmen and returning pride to all of "The Boys"

Hmm...interesting theory...but the only suggestion I can offer is to keep applying for that faux writers position at TRACKS magazine..they might be able to assist.


Every Brazilian I've encountered on our local beaches has been...very Smooth and non offensive

Never had an issue with Zillas where we are, very few come down and they don't have 4wd's anyway which is a must to surf where we are. However!....had many wars with the Zillas in Bali in the last decade and if it's anything like that on the east coast you guys are in for some pain. Enjoy :)

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surfbroker said..
Hmm...interesting theory...but the only suggestion I can offer is to keep applying for that faux writers position at TRACKS magazine..they might be able to assist.


Every Brazilian I've encountered on our local beaches has been...very Smooth and non offensive

Yer a well maintained 'razzo is the go

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thePup said..

surfbroker said..
Hmm...interesting theory...but the only suggestion I can offer is to keep applying for that faux writers position at TRACKS magazine..they might be able to assist.


Every Brazilian I've encountered on our local beaches has been...very Smooth and non offensive

Yer a well maintained 'razzo is the go

Well that exceeded my usual 50 word limit (due to short attention span) but curiosity kept me reading.
Zeusman, it's a Bondi problem you have.
It's just Bondi mate.
I'm only 10 k South from you and Brazilians have been coming to my local since early 90's and they have assimilated well with the locals even setting up a gym and teaching the boys Brazilian Jui Jitsu. I've known a few of then over the years and they are full of respect for the local area and are cool guys.
Again it's a Bondi thing.

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NewScotty said..
Well that exceeded my usual 50 word limit (due to short attention span) but curiosity kept me reading.
Zeusman, it's a Bondi problem you have.
It's just Bondi mate.
I'm only 10 k South from you and Brazilians have been coming to my local since early 90's and they have assimilated well with the locals even setting up a gym and teaching the boys Brazilian Jui Jitsu. I've known a few of then over the years and they are full of respect for the local area and are cool guys.
Again it's a Bondi thing.

More dan fiddy ......

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NewScotty said..
Well that exceeded my usual 50 word limit (due to short attention span) but curiosity kept me reading.
Zeusman, it's a Bondi problem you have.
It's just Bondi mate.
I'm only 10 k South from you and Brazilians have been coming to my local since early 90's and they have assimilated well with the locals even setting up a gym and teaching the boys Brazilian Jui Jitsu. I've known a few of then over the years and they are full of respect for the local area and are cool guys.
Again it's a Bondi thing.

Well said Scotty. I just could not believe the irony - reading it - given where it was coming from. Cracked me up.

i find more aussie **** wits in the line up than brazzos.

until that number changes i don't care.

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Cobra said..
i find more aussie **** wits in the line up than brazzos.

until that number changes i don't care.

I got a redback that you got a brazillian

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thePup said..

Cobra said..
i find more aussie **** wits in the line up than brazzos.

until that number changes i don't care.

I got a redback that you got a brazillian

I've had a pom, irish, scot, wog, aussie, Swed, dog ,pig, glam, and a 9.5

but never a brazillian.

now give us that twenty

..... yeah I shoulda known you'd have done the Haggis

I wrote this purely for the fun value. Being happily married and always getting my share of waves, the 2 main points I raised are really of no concern to me. But listening to the gripes of other surfers, I thought it could be a fun thing that some could relate to. I've also got a few Brazo mates that I was poking fun at too. Every day our news is full of horrible, nasty stuff regarding death, war, greed and so on. Just wanted to make a few people laugh.

They are the rudest people here in the water on the Goldy without a doubt.....the Japanese are the stupidest

Still reckon Cobra is as smooth as a ripe mango skin

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chrispy said..
They are the rudest people here in the water on the Goldy without a doubt.....the Japanese are the stupidest

well there you go. I would have put money we are the stupidest. and rude is already taken


maybe we go for the most opinionated

I've found the longboarding poms to be the best guys to surf with.

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Zeusman said...
I wrote this purely for the fun value. Being happily married and always getting my share of waves, the 2 main points I raised are really of no concern to me. But listening to the gripes of other surfers, I thought it could be a fun thing that some could relate to. I've also got a few Brazo mates that I was poking fun at too. Every day our news is full of horrible, nasty stuff regarding death, war, greed and so on. Just wanted to make a few people laugh.

I think those Hipsters hanging around Bondi would be more of a concern

I met a brazilian today and she runs the SURFING MUMS chapter in our area. I haven't got a problem with that. Lol

I met a brazilian today and she runs the SURFING MUMS chapter in our area. I haven't got a problem with that. Lol

You might have a memory problem tho





You might have a memory problem tho