Layoff Letter No wonder this guy is the boss. He is sharp! You can't be any fairer than this leader. Dear Employees: As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Darrell Dexter is our Nova Scotia Premier and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But, since we cannot increase our prices right now, due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off 60 of our employees, instead. This really has been bothering me, since I believe that we are family, here, and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go. So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lot and found 60 'NDP bumper stickers' on our employees cars … and have decided that these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change, so I gave it to them. I'll see the rest of you at the annual company picnic!!!
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Prime Ministers Residence, in Ottawa. One is from Calgary , another is from Halifax , and the third is from First Nations . All three go with a Sussex drive official to examine the fence. The Calgary contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Halifax contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The First Nations contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Sussex Drive official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?" The First Nations contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Halifax to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how a Government Stimulus plan works.
(I hope this brightens up your day) After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder.' He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's hanging around with.'