I had this story floating around in my head for a while. I've put it together, it's a bit rough and unfinished, but thought I would share it. (warning: there is some swear words in it)

THE OUTCAST (part 1)

The police car pulled into the end of the carpark behind the sand dunes. They were met by the local ranger.
" So where is this prick, Dean? constable rogers asked the ranger.
" Down there behind the second line of dunes he replied, and pointed.
"come on roberts, lets go and round up this dickhead and then we can go and have a feed", rogers said.
the two young police officers began walking in the dark towards the outline of the dunes.
the surf was roaring and the offshore breeze was fresh.
they shone their spotlight around where they expected to see their quarry.
there in the trees sitting at a small campfire was a man.
sitting next to him was a blue cattledog of dubious breeding.
the police heard the dog growl.
"hey mate! they yelled, tie up that dog or we'll ****en shoot it!"
the light was blinding him.
he quickly and deftly lashed the dog to the log.
"settle down", he replied to the police
"she won't bite you", he chuckled.
"not yet, anyway", muttering under his breath

"we got a report from the ranger that you have been camping here, and when he asked you to move on you became abusive, is that correct?"

the man rubbed his chin, "i might of, sir", he replied.

the young policeman looked at him;
about late 50's, bit scruffy, needed a haircut and shave. (and probably a shower)

"well, youll just have to move on, or we'll arrest you" rogers said, "you can't camp here".
"ill just be here for tonight", the man protested "and then ill be gone".
"Its taken me nearly all day to get out here".
"i have to surf here tomorow, i promised someone i would".
this guy surfs? thought constable rogers
rogers just wanted to kick his arse, he felt little respect for him.
"you have some id?" rogers asked.
the man handed him a well worn wallet,
an out of date drivers licence revealed the itinerent as john mcevoy from campbelltown.
"that dog registered?" the policeman asked
john looking at the ground, replied in the negative
"your a long way from home john", rogers stated
"yes sir", replied john with a weak smile.
"but you still have to clear out", said rogers
"but i have to surf tomorow, i promised my mate i would". protested john
**** me, why do I get all the ****en losers, rogers thought
"so who is this mate anyhow?" rogers demanded
"Jimmy Ryan", john replied
"and where is he now!" rogers asked aggresively
"in heaven i hope", said john, smirking to himself
"dont be a ****en smart arse", said rogers, failing to see any humour in the situation, "or Ill lock you up and send your mongrel to the pound! do you want that!?"
"no sir", john said quietly, "sorry sir"
the other constable had been looking at johns gear, and at the old single fin surfboard he had.
he took note of the make
"hey rogers, come here", constable roberts called him over.
The two officers both looked over the battered surfboard and again took note of the brand.
"thats my property!" john protested,
trying to get a hold of his board.
"where'd you get this board john?" roberts asked, pulling it away from the older man,
"did you steal it!?" asked rogers
"no, no, said john, one of my old mates made it for me", he said defensively
john tried to grasp it from the constables hands, but
the situation quickly became a struggle for the board, with the dog barking aggressively at the three of them and pulling on her rope,
but the young stronger police quickly overpowered the older man;
they cuffed john and left him sitting on the log, disgruntled, next to his equally disgruntled mutt.
the two young officers walked away and conferred.
"thats one of my dads old boards", roberts said,
"yeah i thought so", replied rogers
"think hes bull****ting?" asked rogers
"only one way to find out, let me call the old man", said roberts
constable roberts dialled his mobile;
"hey dad; you ever heard of a bloke called john mcevoy"?
after a pause his father answered,
"why?" he asked
constable roberts explained the situation of the illegal camper, his dog, possible stolen property and the potential charges.
"can you wait for me to come down there?" his dad asked, with some urgency
"ok, but you better hurry up, rogers wants to kick his arse". his son replied
jack roberts had a thousand thoughts running through his head as he guided his ute in the dark to the end of the carpark. He hadn't seen John Mcevoy in over 30 years, if it was him.
he found his way to the edge of the trees and spoke to the two young officers.
he walked over to the stranger, and acknowledged him quietly
jack wondering to himself could this be his old long lost mate; he certainly didnt recognise him.
john, handcuffed, aggravated, and his pride wounded, ignored him, looking at the ground
"not a bad looking board you got there, champ", jack said
john looked at him and for a second, thought he recognised him, but dismissed the thought
"you surf?" john asked
"try to", jack replied, they both laughed weakly
john thinking this guy could be an ally, and stirred up a bit after his struggle with the two cops, opened up a bit;
"yeah" he replied, "I've had that board for over 30 years, can you ****en believe that,"
"****en heap of ****, can't bring myself to chuck it out, ****en should though"
"i used to be able to rip on it, in the seventies, not now though, just go straight now,"
his voice trailed off, "its all memories now", he said sadly
"yeah, its a real old board", jack said, "but a classic".
john nodded and they both looked thoughtfully at the battered board.
"so do they call you anything other than john?" jack asked
the stranger eyed him suspiciously, but then smiled weakly; "they used to call me 'hypo' when i was young, cause i was always jumping around." "They said I was hyperactive"
jacks head went back, as if struck with a punch by a gloved hand
he laughed nervously, "err, hypo?"
hypo looked up him from his cuffed position,
" hypo; its err, ....... jockey"
hypo stared at him, taken aback and wide eyed blurted out
"jockey roberts??!!"
jack nodded
"well **** me!!" said John and they both laughed out loud
then hypo went quiet, looked back at the dirt and spoke sadly;
"jimmys gone, jockey."
the jockey was quiet, emotion filling his craggy face.
"what happened?" jockey asked
"got hit by a car", he said, "pissed off his face, trying to cross paramatta rd at homebush, about 2 weeks ago".
"no surfies were at his funeral, just me and his old auntie were the only ones he had left."
"jimmy and I had made a pact that whoever went first, the other would remember him with a paddle out."
"So i was going to do a paddle out for him in the morning, hypo said. but that dont look like its going to happen now."
"because of those two wankers", hypo said, motioning towards the two police officers
"maybe i can fix this, hypo"
"how?" hypo asked in a hopeless tone
"one of those coppers is my son!" he said with a touch of mirth
"well, **** me jockey, aint you full of surprises!!"
"I thought it would only be me paddling out,"
"can you join me?" hypo asked
jockey nodded, agreeing respectfully.
"Ill go home and make some calls", said jack, "see who I can round up from the old crew."
hypo brightened up more now, his heart pounding, " that would be great"
"jimmy would really like that", said hypo
"it might just be me and you though", said jack
"that would be ok too", said hypo, now smiling
jockey walked back to the two officers;
"he's an old mate, can you leave him just for tonight?" "we have some business to do in the morning", "he'll be gone by this time tommorow."
the two officers begrudgenly agreed and after returning hypo's wallet and undoing the cuffs, and muttering a half hearted apology, walked back to their vehicle, driving away
the jockey called back to hypo, "see you in the morning ok?"
hypo was patting and reasuring his dog, waving back a cheerful ok, no worries
"hey anyway does that dog bite?" the jockey called back
"only if i give her the nod", hypo laughed
Hypo now feeling brave that the two police officers had left the scene, shouted back;
"I should have let her loose on those two ****en coppers! They were ****ting their pants!!"
"now that would have been funny!" said hypo
The jockey laughed out loud as he walked quickly back to his ute, he had to get home, he had some phone calls to make.

Thats an awesome story, more please

Fantastic little read - held me the entire way.

Yes - I think you should finish it and publish as a short story - maybe Readers Digest or somewhere like that where you'll get some exposure.

Well done.

My attention span not great and normally would disregard due to story length. However, the feedback looks positive so I will revisit at a later time when head is in right place.

loved it

and then?

Can we half part two tomorrow , good work thanks

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Scotty88 said...
My attention span not great and normally would disregard due to story length. However, the feedback looks positive so I will revisit at a later time when head is in right place.

+1

Thanks, that story was just the right size for me

What's wrong with us

I think we only have the same attention span as what would be required to negotiate a medium length point break

I was at work. But will read it now that I'm home after I've fed the Kids, the dogs and the cat.

Sitting on the loo ATM but still too long to read.
Will try to revisit at a later stage.

Yes I know, too much info.

Scotty I'm a bit like you mate but just read it,great story more please.

Aaagggh, got to the bottom of the thread and there's no morning.

C'mon, what happens? Jack comes back, the who's who of the coast make the trek? All of the old legends show up.

Jockeys son the copper gains more respect than ever for his old man and his mates???? C'mon. I'll be thinking about this all day now.

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62mac said...
Scotty I'm a bit like you mate but just read it,great story more please.

I will get there. Just need to focus.
Later tonight for sure.

The Outcast Part 2
Hypo says goodbye

Hypo settled back into his camp. Ha, what a roller coaster he thought. He settled into his swag and kept his dog close by. Still metaphorically shaking his head about the evenings events. But he also felt pleased, about meeting up with Jockey, and not getting his arse hauled away, and losing his dog, it was a close call.
He thought about tomorows paddle out and wondered if Jockey will be able to find any more bods, but it didn't matter, with Jockey there it will be real nice, he thought.
"Hey, maybe we'll move back to the coast girl", speaking to his dog, "would you like that?" "Find somewhere to live", "get some more of this fresh air", "surf every day" , "man could live forever with that lifestyle".
He got out his harmonica out and started on some tunes, he played to his dog. Only a dog could still feel friendly towards a bloke who played that bad. He knew a few tunes; she'll be coming round the mountain, home on the range, feelings, and an old favorite he had been working on; long way to the top. If he played a certain note sometimes the dog would howl , this always made him laugh. He'd say to her "its your turn", "whooo".....
He dozed off about midnight into a deep sleep, he felt safe, his dog was on guard.
Hours passed, its was quiet, only the occasional call of a plover and the surf breaking. He'd missed that sound.
" Wake up man, there's waves".
"Huh? answered Hypo eyes still closed.
"C'mon, efn get up" " its good!"
"Uggh" grunted Hypo
"lets go man, its efn pumpin!"
"Sleeping" said hypo
"MOVE!"
Hypo woke and rubbed his eyes, looking around, it was pre dawn. Looking at his dog he said "Ok, now I'm hearing efn voices", "unless you learned to talk while I was asleep". "he he" laughing at his own joke.
He struggled out of his swag and walked sleepishly to the top of the dunes. Huh, he thought, there is waves.
He thought about getting back into his swag, but pushed himself and shaking, stripped off and put on his wetsuit. Waxing his board like he'd done a thousand times before.
Walking out of the camp he thought; glad it's not a fashion show. Referring to his hagged, unkempt looks, antique surfboard and 70's era wetsuit.
Up and over the dune he went, the waves looked nice, empty in the pre dawn light, offshore and 2-4 feet, or 1 metre swell as they say nowadays, he chuckled.
He forgot about any troubles as soon as he reached the shoreline, foam washing at his feet.
Looking out to the break he saw another surfer, waving at him enthusiastically to come out, huh, he thought, must be Jockey, got here early.
He hit the shorebreak and paddled out, reaching the take off zone, he couldn't see that other guy anywhere.
Efn weird he thought, starting to see things now, gotta stop smoking weed, oh yeah I stopped doing that years ago, he reminded himself.
Hypo paddled slowly over a few peaks, no hurry he thought, get a look around and see how its lining up, its not like anyones going to paddle inside me, he thought.
He was enjoying it all when he heard the voice again;
"You took your time getting out here, champ"
Hypo swung around to face the direction of the voice behind him.
There was no one there! WTF!! He thought, he felt scared.
"Hypo, don't freak out, it's Jimmy" a voice said
"Jimmy!?" Hypo called out, looking around him.
"I cant see you, Jimmy!"
Hypo was getting upset now, he was very scared.
"Its Ok, Hypo, just catch a wave and you will see me, Ok?"
"OK" said Hypo, trusting the voice he new so well, as a nice peak moved towards him.
"C'mon baby lets rock and roll!" he heard jimmy's voice call out loudly.
Hypo by now was freaking out, but he still paddled into the peak and did his signature stylish bottom turn and trim, when all off a sudden, he saw Jimmy riding alongside him.
Jimmy was laughing and chiyaking, the way they always did together in the surf.
Doing cross overs and slingshots, surfing backwards and falling off, making moves to drop in and then pulling back. Hypo was back in his youth, with boundless energy and joy.
They carried on like this for a while as the sun was lighting it all up.
Wave after wave together and separately in the rising sun. Filling the morning air with hoots and hollers, pushing each other into backdoor takeoffs.
They rode the last wave in together, Jimmy reached the shore first and was standing on the hard wet sand waiting for Hypo.
Hypo was totally lost in the moment, he felt like champion of the world, as he walked up to his lifelong friend.
"That was great, said Hypo
"Yeh!, haha!" said Jimmy
They both watched as a nice set peeled unridden over the bank.
But now Jimmy was looking straight at Hypo.
"Whats up Jim?" asked Hypo
"I have to go now, Hypo."
The realisation hit Hypo. His head dropped.
"Yeah, I know Jimmy" he said, feeling tears in his eyes.
"Can you visit Auntie now and then for me, check in on her like?" Jimmy asked
"Sure Jimmy", of course, said Hypo
"Jim?"
"Yeah mate?" replied Jimmy kindly
"What do I do now?"
"Just keep surfing", "OK"? "Just keep surfing".
"I'll miss you Jim" said Hypo, his voice cracking
"Dont worry" I'll be keeping an eye on you" OK?
"And whenever the waves are pumping, think of me". OK?
"OK" Hypo replied quietly
"Hey, I think someones waiting for you" Jimmy said, as he looked up towards the carpark.
Hypo looked up and saw Jockey standing near his ute and waving, Hypo waved back.
"Goodbye Hypo", "Thanks for everything".
"Goodbye Jimmy" said Hypo, the tears now streaming freely down his face.
Jimmy began walking with his board under his arm, back into the shorebreak and towards the now blinding morning sun.
Hypo watched him duck dive under a wave and then; he just wasn't there any more.
Just the empty shorebreak, lapping at his ankles.
But now Jockey was at Hypo's side.
Jockey was frothing;
"Hey, man efn good waves eh!?" "whoo hoo""yeah!!" " thank.. you.. Jimmy... Ryan!!"
"Saw you get a few", "you still got style, Hypo!!" "whoo hoo!!"
Jockey was like an excited kid, after watching his old friend surfing.
Hypo then realised Jockey hadn't seen Jimmy.
They both walked back towards the carpark.
"Hey listen Hypo, err,.... I couldn't find any of the old crew for the paddle out".
"Thats OK" said Hypo still buzzing from his surf.
"But ahh, my young bloke heard the story and spoke to his mates from the local boardriders, and they asked if they could honour Jimmy with you?"
"Would that be Ok?"
Hypo looked back up to the carpark, he saw at least 50 young men and some girls, all with surfboards, waiting expectantly; looking towards the pair. Jockey smiled and waved at them, some waved back
"That would be real nice, Jockey" he said
As they walked into the group and Hypo was introduced, he saw the young cop Rogers, who was going to kick his arse the night before.
"Go easy Hypo", said Jockey, "he did the wrong thing and he knows it, he's asked could he come along."
Hypo gave Rogers his best 'Clint Eastwood stare'
Rogers looked back sheepishly at Hypo.
Hypo walked up to him. Jockey and his son looked on, sensing the tension between the older and younger man.
Hypo noticed Rogers had a dog next to him.
"That your dog?" Hypo asked
"Yep" replied Rogers, nervously
"Is he registered?" asked Hypo
Rogers looked back at Hypo's now smiling face, and both surfers burst into laughter.
"OK, lets do this thing" yelled Jockey, now relieved and moving into marshalling mode, "get your boards, and get down to the beach!"
"Long live Jimmy Ryan!!" yelled Jockey
The whole group began moving.
Hypo looked around him, and while still thinking of his old friend, couldn't be happier.
This is all for you Jimmy, he said.

Fk me this one hell of a story,thanks for sharing mate

Excellent...

Bugger I'm at work so I can't read it, and I'm supposed to go to lunch today so I've got to wait until I get home

I'm going to sort out a nice cup of tea and a bikky before I start

Thank Anthony really enjoyed that story

Good timing, good story.

Better story than I imagined.

I like that place where it was set, wherever that may be.


Long Live Jimmy Ryan.

I read both essays and enjoyed them thoroughly. Anymore ?
Btw my attention span is improving but don't want to push it.

**** readers digest..... Send that to tracks...

Great story mate, and well written to.

l loved it, it was so unpretentious.

Do some more, please

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obct said...
l loved it, it was so unpretentious.

So the story wasn't about the Gold Coast

Thanks for all the feedback. Before I post it anywhere else I will tidy it up a bit. (punctuation and such). I've posted it only here in the longboarding section because?

I assume that you're average longboarder has an appreciation for the anti hero, and probably being a bit older than your average shortboarder, age brings understanding (with most people anyway).

It was fun to write. I've prob got more stories to come, maybe about the same guy or someone similiar. (or someone different) I will prob write about males as they are easier to write about and I don't want to get to bogged down in relationship stuff. I'll leave that for the ladies to write about.

Then again Hypo could meet some wild chick that gives him a run for his money. haha

I like a good comeback story, and I think surfing is full of them. For those of us who are over 50, we can see some of our surfing buddies leaving the cue in the rack as they say. So it's always great to hear when one of us won't accept not surfing as a way to live.

Cheers

^^^^^bravo

I agree those 30 year olds ^ have not lived yet

other than one guy I know

Hope this doesn't offend but the writing style reminded me of Robert Barrett.

The Les Norton books were the first books a over excited hyperactive 18 year old could read.

Easy to follow, easy going style that you could relate to. Nearly 20 years later I'm still reading those books.

No questions Anthony, no relationships or love but a bit of surfing, the odd wild romp with a passing celebrity or town hottie and a fight or two and I'll buy the book.

Keep us up to date on the publisher name and release date