I have a concern.

I feel that as an Aussie male it is my national duty to bring it to the attention of all my Australian brethren, so that they may take precautions to safe guard themselves against this constantly growing threat.In recent years there has been a notable increase in shark attacks on beaches Australia wide, which has been met by mixed feelings and responses. It seems as though the majority of people feel that if somebody is unfortunate enough to fall victim to one of these magnificent creatures that it is just a terrible case of bad luck that should not result in any recourse for the offending animal. The other contingency to this story believe that we need to begin "culling" in an attempt to reduce shark numbers, thereby resulting in fewer attacks. The culling advocates feel that too many Aussies are losing their lives to these beasts and that more should be done to protect ourselves from them.While I myself understand the concerns raised by both parties in this debate, i feel there is a far more imminent threat deserving of our attention, that roams our beautiful beaches praying on every day Aussies in more than one way.

Brazilians

Brazilian numbers are constantly on the increase across all Australian beaches. Generally unemployed, these little pack hunting predators can be found daily spending many hours in lineups from the Sunshine Coast all the way down past the Superbank, through NSW to Victoria, utilising their superior hassling/snaking skills to take wave after wave from Australian surfers at their home breaks. I have seen many local surfers leave the water after an early completely frustrated at the fact that the swarming Brazo's had kept them scoreless during their pre work ritual. I have found myself confronted many times by the unsettling scenario of 5 or 6 of the visa overstayers paddling rings around me and blocking my every move to get to the peak of a nice set wave so that one of their 11 flatmates can enjoy the wave I'd waited more than 30 minutes for. During lulls in the waves, they communicate vocally in a dialect that can be be described as a Plastic Bertrand's "Ca plane pour moi" record being played backwards..... Unnerving to say the least....

Terrifying as their surfing exploits may be, they pale in comparison to the way these creatures have adapted their skills to life on Australian soil. As previously mentioned, Brazilians can generally be found dwelling in 2 bedroom rental flats that they share with 11, 12, sometimes 35 of their fellow countrymen without ever appearing to be gainfully employed (they're always surfing during the day) bypassing all Australian rental laws and subletting laws without ever being held to account. During the evenings they manage to be at all the best party's wooing the most beautiful of Australia's native women. Driven by the tribal like Djembe drumming of their housemates and using inhumanly possible dance moves performed wearing minimal clothing that displays the incredible physiques obtained during the countless hours of co-ordinated surf attacks carried out in the daytime, Australian women are completely defenceless against the supposed charms exuded during the festive onslaught and more often than not find themselves in a bunk bed somewhere in Bondi by 10:00pm. Early enough to be rudely shown the door post coitus so that the offending male can return to the party to ensnare a second evening victim. Not only do these men devour any and all Australian ladies at these events, but the Brazilian women will most certainly not stray from their countrymen. This results in any Aussie men that have lucked their way into such a gathering finding themselves huddled together in a corner of the backyard talking about footy, cricket, the surf and how many waves they got that morning (which we all know is **** talk cos' the Brazo's got 'em all) completely ostracised by all other party goers, leaving them to their wobbly walk home alone bar the company of a dodgey kebab.

As concerned as I am, I generally have no idea how to combat the monumental obstacle presented to my brothers by this rapidly spreading crisis. I ask all of you to think upon this... Only together will we come up with a solution that will hopefully see us rise to a level playing field, if not conquer this scourge of our ocean and land playgrounds, thereby reclaiming what our forefathers such as Mctavish, Farrelly, Nat Young, Occy, TC and the countless others that pioneered the way for all Aussie larrikin surfers and pantsmen and returning pride to all of "The Boys"

Mostly too cold for 'em down our way.

(My brother married a Brazilian, she's quite nice but she's not a 'surf' Brazilian).

Funny

Dob em in to immigration, land lords, real estates etc.

Damn.... I wish I was a Brazilian, when I was in Oz!

Too cold for 'em in NZ too although we have the same problem here with Argentinians 'cept, thankfully, they don't surf.

That is the best piss take ever...farking gold

mind you behind the joke it is true

i had some old salt telling me that brazzos are the aussies of the 70;s and 80:s a hassling breed of disrespectful animals that did not give a **** about anyone or anything except themselves....a reason why we were so good and so hated world wide

its time to stop crying crew...its time to go harder than any spoilt trust fund brazzo clogging our line ups and our women.

if you cry and do nothing,you deserve this dire conundrum that has spawned upon our lives...

myself im ready to party harder block waves fopr a mate and do anything in my powers to end this sh1t...


do not worry about missing out on their sexy women....they are really men

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HumanCartoon said..
Mostly too cold for 'em down our way.

(My brother married a Brazilian, she's quite nice but she's not a 'surf' Brazilian).

True and they seem to disappear when it gets over three feet as well so happy days

You'd be hard pressed to find a Brazilian in Aus back in the '70s and '80s...

Had to be said.

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Sailhack said...
You'd be hard pressed to find a Brazilian in Aus back in the '70s and '80s...

Had to be said.

Um read slowly this time

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chrispy said..

Sailhack said...
You'd be hard pressed to find a Brazilian in Aus back in the '70s and '80s...

Had to be said.

Um read slowly this time

Yep. Definitely more hair, back then!

And your your point is... you want to train sharks to move to a brazilian diet?

:-)

Seriously, your post is quite funny for us French surfers: Like chrispy said, I remember first hand in the seventies local people in France (Biarritz, Hossegor) being totally pissed off with aussie travelling surfers coming in pack, squatting all the good spots, and applying all the aggro tactics learnt in the highly competitive and dog-eat-dog Aussie surfing scene to take all the waves. It culminated in an OZ van being burned in Biarritz.

I liked it because as French surfing tourists we were welcomed by local surfers because at least we were not Aussies :-)

In protest, should be be asking our Aussie women to stop getting Brazilians and go back to the 1970's "natural" look?

This post is seriously awesome. As a North Shore, O'ahu resident I can tell you the Brah- zillion struggle is real... I think they actually collectively claimed ownership to the rocky point surf break. Tell you one thing though, the chicks that come over are seriously hot. (until they start talking)

I new there would be something come along to take the heat of the sups

Yep but **** they have hot girlfriends, not to many g bangers around here so bring it on
Just give the blokes the old wolf creek laugh as you paddle past em

nothing wrong with Brazilians

never did like chewing on carpet.

Best solution is to keep them in Manly Zeusman. There was a sign up at North Narrabeen for years saying no mals and no boogie boards. Recently they've added SUPs and Brazilians.

If this this was about windsurfers you could Bra,s replace by Italians.
My personal solution is to go to colder places and or periods of the year when/where temps are a bit lower but the vibe is cool and the welcome of the locals to visitors warm :)

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chrispy said...
That is the best piss take ever...farking gold

mind you behind the joke it is true

i had some old salt telling me that brazzos are the aussies of the 70;s and 80:s a hassling breed of disrespectful animals that did not give a **** about anyone or anything except themselves....a reason why we were so good and so hated world wide

its time to stop crying crew...its time to go harder than any spoilt trust fund brazzo clogging our line ups and our women.

if you cry and do nothing,you deserve this dire conundrum that has spawned upon our lives...

myself im ready to party harder block waves fopr a mate and do anything in my powers to end this sh1t...


do not worry about missing out on their sexy women....they are really men

Excellent Chrispy

I wrote this purely for the fun value. Being happily married and always getting my share of waves, the 2 main points I raised are really of no concern to me. But listening to the gripes of other surfers, I thought it could be a fun thing that some could relate to. I've also got a few Brazo mates that I was poking fun at too. Every day our news is full of horrible, nasty stuff regarding death, war, greed and so on. Just wanted to make a few people laugh.

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Zeusman said..
I wrote this purely for the fun value. Being happily married and always getting my share of waves, the 2 main points I raised are really of no concern to me. But listening to the gripes of other surfers, I thought it could be a fun thing that some could relate to. I've also got a few Brazo mates that I was poking fun at too. Every day our news is full of horrible, nasty stuff regarding death, war, greed and so on. Just wanted to make a few people laugh.

You succeeded, congratulations.