Who wants to own up to owning these
contact me for some counseling

I hope the owner's wife doesn't see your post, she'll make him go back and get them. Despite all the effort he probably put into forgetting them

They would have to belong to a pole dancer

The left one is mine - no idea about the other one.

Speaking about losing.

My wife told me the other day she and her mates were going to lose some weight in the year.
I told them I rather see them shed some kilo's.
They asked what's the difference.
When you guys lose weight you always seem to find it again.