I had a bad day yesterday. No wind as usual. The boss finally confirmed that he's letting me go and bloody Jessica showed her true colours by packing her stuff and leaving me. I bet she's gone straight round to that w@#7er Brad in the hope that he'll now subsidise her shoe addiction.
So there was nothing for it but to go down the pub and drown the old sorrows. On the way there I reflected how it was funny that your mates never answer their mobiles when you really need a chat.
In the beer garden were a group of bogans and a huge alsatian dog. It looked like they were up to no good - probably out for a spot of light breaking and entering. The dog growled at me menacingly as I went past. I walked hurriedly in to the pub only to slip on a large pile of dog doo and fall painfully on my coccyx. Laughter, jeers and hoots of delight erupted from the bogans behind me. The anger welled up in me, but the last thing I wanted was to be beaten up, so I bit my lip, mustered my dignity and proceeded to the gents to wipe the mess off my shoe.
Five minutes later things were starting to look up. The landlord apologised and gave me a free beer. The bogans got bored and left the beer garden taking the damned dog with them. The pub was totally empty and peaceful.
“I'll just go and get something to clear up that dog mess” said the landlord.
I nodded my thanks to him and took a long draw of my beer. Aaah!
The landlord disappeared out the back door, just as a new customer approached the pub through the beer garden. He was one of the biggest guys I have ever seen; a colossus of a man with huge beefy forearms and hands the size of plates. But he was quite well dressed and something about his face and demeanour suggested that he was a gentle giant.
Just then he stepped in the dog mess and with a huge crash fell right on his bum.
My first thought was that I wasn't the only one having a bad day. With a sympathetic smile I offered a hand to pull him up.
“I just did that”, I said.
So he beat me to a bloody pulp.
No kiting for next fortnight
Kitesplosh
> 9 months ago, 18 Jan 2011
