A woman was on a train and a guy in a Collingwood jumper started hitting on her much to her dismay.

The guy mentioned he was headed to centrelink to get his unemployment benefits so he could crack open some tinnies. He asked the women why she was in such a rush to which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'

'Oh yeah,' said the guy, 'what do you do?'

'I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.

The guy stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'

'And just what the heck do you do with a 6 foot asshole? ' he asked.

'Well, you give him a Collingwood jumper...'

I want to rely but NO_CONVERSATION_EXISTS