I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. A renowned psycho-analyst on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see the things I'd started and hadn't finished. As a result I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pee. An telum, u blody luvum!

Peace be upon you, brother.

gold

Seeking inner peace is one of the major goals of most people. Giving it all away is one I can think of immediately. So if you are reading this, Rock, pass on all your Bitcoins to me please.

Now achieving inner peace is very important, but gaining enlightenment is even more worthwhile and elusive. But fear not, I have the answers.

By chance, I get to know of a guru name "JesusBlessHareKrishnaBuddhaUmmHolyISeeTheLight". We just call him John. Guru John lives up a mountain few dare to venture except a few mountain goats with death wishes, or being chased by some hungry Snow Leopards. Here he lives alone in a cave with nothing but some goat fleas for companion. He survives on goat droppings only.

His followers ranged far and wide, mostly very rich folks who are disillusioned as wealth hording didn't seem to satisfy the one most elusive thing, "enlightenment" ! So they seek out Guru John's guidance. The fact that he is living so high and so out of reach for most people, he has one and only discipher, and that is me.

So here is the Guru's secret formula to enlightenment. Please listen carefully, I shall only say it once.

First you need a strong wine bottle. Then on the first day, you raise the bottle about 1 CM, and you smash it against your head. If it doesn't break, good. You are getting there. On the second day, you raise it to 2 CM, and hit your head again. If it still doesn't break, it means you are not quite a suitable candidate for eternal enlightenment. Now for the third, you repeat the process, but this time 3 CM. By the 30th day, ie. a full month and 30 CM later, it is "judgment day". If the bottle breaks, you need a new bottle. If you die, you have achieved enlightenment.

Now all this advice doesn't come cheap. For a very reasonable $5,000, the enlightenment is yours to take. Please note that Guru John will only accept Bitcoins. I shall PM you his offshore PO box number.

I only have four beers left... I don't think that's enough to achieve inner peace..

Do the dishes! Keep your place clean or very clean.

Have nice furniture,doesn't have to be expensive.

Never get angry.

And most importantly,listen to the best song in the world - Fields of Anthenry by Paddy Reilly!

New Age author Dipsheet Chopsticks has written many books on this subject.

Yeah.. they're all full of sheet..

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petermac33 said..
Do the dishes! Keep your place clean or very clean.

Have nice furniture,doesn't have to be expensive.

Never get angry.

And most importantly,listen to the best song in the world - Fields of Anthenry by Paddy Reilly!

Surely Lisdoonvarna would rate a mention Petermac?

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petermac33 said..
Do the dishes! Keep your place clean or very clean.

Have nice furniture,doesn't have to be expensive.

Never get angry.

And most importantly,listen to the best song in the world - Fields of Anthenry by Paddy Reilly!

Change your underwear regularly.

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Jupiter said..

petermac33 said..
Do the dishes! Keep your place clean or very clean.

Have nice furniture,doesn't have to be expensive.

Never get angry.

And most importantly,listen to the best song in the world - Fields of Anthenry by Paddy Reilly!

Change your underwear regularly.

I do! Once a fortnight

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rockmagnet said..

Jupiter said..

petermac33 said..
Do the dishes! Keep your place clean or very clean.

Have nice furniture,doesn't have to be expensive.

Never get angry.

And most importantly,listen to the best song in the world - Fields of Anthenry by Paddy Reilly!

Change your underwear regularly.

I do! Once a fortnight

A mate, a smelly one I may add, suggested the following way to "optimize" your underwear usage. Here is how...

Check for wear and tear
If still good, keep it on
If signs of filth is detected, turn it inside out and use it for the same until it becomes unbearable.

I suppose talcum powder will be needed ?

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rockmagnet said..

Jupiter said..

petermac33 said..
Do the dishes! Keep your place clean or very clean.

Have nice furniture,doesn't have to be expensive.

Never get angry.

And most importantly,listen to the best song in the world - Fields of Anthenry by Paddy Reilly!

Change your underwear regularly.

I do! Once a fortnight

Is that before or after you reverse them?

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Jupiter said..

Change your underwear regularly.

A true guru..

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dan111984 said..

Jupiter said..

Change your underwear regularly.

A true guru..

A true guru doesn't wear anything !

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rockmagnet said..
the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pee. An telum, u blody luvum!

Select to expand quote

petermac33 said..
Do the dishes! Keep your place clean or very clean.

Have nice furniture,doesn't have to be expensive.

Never get angry.

And most importantly,listen to the best song in the world - Fields of Anthenry by Paddy Reilly!

Sounds more like a recipe for middle-class anal-retentive narcissism mate...

oh btw FARK YOUUU!!!!!!!! KARNT!!!