Ladies and gents, with all the shark talk winding everyone up how about a jokes page to take your mind off it and have a laugh. i'll kick it off:
"My wife left a note on the fridge saying,
its no good , its not working i'm stayin at mums for a while.
I opened it up, light worked, beer was well and truly chiled, i wondered, what the F**k was she on about!
****ty i know but keep em coming
Why'd the chicken have lettuce leafs on its eyes???
Because the chicken "cesar-salad"
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
Two terrorists in a backpack shop, one turns his back to the other and says:
Does my bomb look big in this?
Perception of a Woman Vs Man
Women Friends chatting in office.
Woman 1 I had sex last night, did you
Woman 2 Yes.
Woman 1 Was it good
Woman 2 No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours
Woman 1 Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1 You wanted sex last night, how was it?
Husband 2 Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1 It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light ****ing candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
Did you hear about the baked beans travelling around Australia?
They ended up in Cairns
